The last couple of years have been filled with growth and personal healing. It's been very challenging to say the least. I enthusiastically started writing another book following writing "Master in the Making".
Master in the Making was the account of my use of spirituality and mysticism in my healing as a skeptic. As I write "The Theory of 8" it contains some of the same themes that I had explored in my first book. As if it is a repeating energetic pattern - a casual loop in the time loop continuum. Some of the experiences that I had written about in Master in the Making are now a deeper wider and further reaching that I would have ever imagined. One of the toughest things that I had to do in Master in the Making was to piece together my memories about being sexually abused by my maternal grandfather when I was three years old. I thought I was done with having to remember things. "The Theory of 8" was supposed to be a quick and simple book.
As I write "The Theory of 8", I am having to process and deal with a lot of unhealed trauma. When I was 50 years old I came to realize that I had been hypnotized as a child to "forget what was done to me". I was brainwashed, sexually abused and exploited, physically beaten, emotionally and mentally abused as well as spiritually abused between the ages of 3 and 8 years old. Some of the abuse included neglect prior and continued mental and emotional abuse into adulthood by the very people that were supposed to love me and keep me safe.
I sought out help from different healers, psychologists and hypnotherapists to help me try and recover these memories. I tried to talk to family and friends about this. Most of these people suggested that I not talk about the elephant in the room and we will tip toe around the deeper seedy things that happened and just deal with the reprogramming mental, emotional and behavioral patterns that resulted from the trauma. To me this is an insult and pouring salt and alcohol in a deep unhealed wound. Especially because my life purpose and writing has to do with recovering these memories not just for myself, but because what is in these memories are truths about society and humanity. I had found that my childhood traumas were related to two previous lifetimes.
I have been working hard to recover my memories and have gotten some. I know it's important to heal the traumas surrounding the hidden memories. There's a lot to my story that is unbelievable. My healing investigation has led me to what people would consider "conspiracy theories". I wasn't looking for conspiracies to exploit. I was looking for my truth and my truth just so happened to include these.
I had come to find out that this repeating pattern started in a lifetime where I was Enkidu. Most people don't know who Enkidu is, but they have heard of my best friend Gilgamesh from "The Epic of Gilgamesh". The other lifetime that is connected to this lifetime is that in which I was Thomas Paine. And then there's this lifetime. What do they all have in common? There's a lot there, but for the sake of this blog post and to make it simple - "the truth". Enkidu did not get sick and die, nor was Enkidu a man. Enkidu was a woman that knew the truth about what was going on in society. She was on the verge of revealing the truth, but was falsely accused of killing some people and was burned at the stake. Thomas Paine was an observer that lingered in the shadows and watched those in power do seedy things. Paine kept journals of these happenings. Those in power knew what Paine was doing and even after helping with his writing to boost the fight for Independence from the British Empire - he was charged with Treason and was imprisoned for a year in a French prison. My current lifetime is not YET as impressive as these two prior lifetimes, but I will tell you that I will tell the truth about society that Enkidu and Paine did not live to tell. For me I have to do some healing as I write my story. See, my consciousness and subconscious has been programmed about me telling my truth. When I was 8 years old my mother took me in the bathroom grabbed me by the hair and beat my head against the tub, wall, door, cabinets, and floor. She continued to slap, punch and kick me. Why? Because I had told somebody a part of my truth and part of the truth about what my family had been doing to me. I was instructed to LIE and to KEEP MY TRUTH A SECRET. In essence to not tell my truth or my story. Beyond this I had been hypnotized to believe that if I told anybody what had happened to me that I and everybody that I loved would be hurt or killed. This is only part of the truth. My truth and what is contained in my memories is not just me seeking personal validation. It's so that I can complete the incomplete life purposes of Enkidu and Thomas Paine. My memories and my story is a deeper wider truth about history that is unknown, hidden, and has been kept secret.