As we all are eagerly awaiting the release of the “Epstein List” let’s remember all the survivors and victims that have similar stories to my own. Those are the ones that really need your attention. Those are the ones that need your help.
Never had a chance to know what a “normal and happy” childhood was. I was born literally forced to come into this world when my mother’s labor was induced on 9-9-69. I was born as a family sacrifice. I was neglected and abused as an infant and toddler physically, mentally, and emotionally on a daily basis. It had already been decided by my mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, great-grandmother, and great-grandfather that I would be used as a means for the family to make money. I was groomed early. I had my own handlers - my family that would give me alcohol and drugs. They used hypnosis to make me forget the feelings and the ability to remember what they had done to me. By the time I was 3 years old, I was being used for child prostitution and pornography. I was brainwashed that this was love and that this is family loyalty. I remember being hungover at school in the first grade. My head pounding and felt like I was going to vomit. I was used in the “family business” by “tradition” to make money - to pay the bills, to put food on the table, to put a Porsche or two in the garage. A pool in the backyard. From the outside looking in everything looked like a pretty picture. Like the perfect family, but it wasn’t. It was a house of horror. Even getting ready to go to school and have my hair put into braids or a ponytail I was beaten with the brush. After 2,920 days or 70,080 hours or 4,204,600 seconds of my young life while in the 3rd grade, I somehow got the courage up and told my teacher Ms. Just something that stopped at least my family from abusing me sexually. That’s when other abuses began. I was beaten severely by my mother for telling the truth. I became the outcast, the black sheep, but my slavery didn’t end. My mother’s rage and anger over this just began, because this meant she had to go to work. My slavery shifted to taking care of my two younger brothers. I struggled with anxiety and depression as I had not been weaned off of the drugs and alcohol that I had been given ritualistically for the prior 8 years of my life. I continued on and took my responsibilities to heart to make sure that my brothers were taken care of while my parents stayed out late in the evening doing god knows what. I didn’t know how to take care of myself and nobody was taking care of me. Nobody knew. Nobody could know about this, because if they did all the adults in my life would be taken away or possibly killed by people that were connected to the family business. In my case, it was the Freemasons that my Great Grandparents were deeply connected to. In fact, I was used in a couple of their rituals where I suspect that I had multiple bones broken, where I was beaten to bloodied and bruised. I was raped and sexually abused repeatedly without any decent loving human being around me to help me, to love me, or take care of me. On top of it, I was raised by a narcissistic mother - in reality my entire family was and is narcissistic. There will never be any adult in my life that will ever own it or take responsibility for it. Why would they? In fact what happens most often in these cases is that nobody believes the victim or worse even the victim is cast as the abuser, while the abusers are seen as the victim. As the victims of these crimes are forever impacted by their experiences. I have learned to survive and I only just beginning to learn how to thrive in my life through my healing process.
My book "The Theory of 8" was about unearthing my truth at 50 years old and included two past lives that are connected to this abuse.